Separation? If there is still a bit of love, each marriage can be saved.
Do you think about a separation? Here are tips from an expert on how to save your marriage.
We close the covenant for life in the firm belief that it will last forever. But if it does not – about a third of all marriages ends up before the divorced judge. This would not have to be, says expert Doreen Smith.
Rosenkrieg instead of roses? For many married couples depends on a few years of the house booths. The psychological counselor Doreen Smith specializes in marriage crises and shows strategies that bring love back to life.
Create a new awareness for each other
“Of course, a totally distracted marriage can not be saved,” says the expert. “However, most couples can help develop a new awareness of each other. Often long-term relationships consist only of automated processes, lacking awareness for the needs of the other.” It helps to get together, to make room for talks. Couple dates are as important as job and doctor’s appointments or appointments of the children.
Find common time and do “tasks”
“Make a note of your parcels quietly in the date calendar, even if you find that funny,” advises Doreen Smith. “This is how you show how important these appointments are to you.” Then it is: to do love homework. “Sit down at least twice a week, and clarify: What has been going well in the past few days, what’s wrong, what do you and your partner want for the next week, everyone can talk freely without being interrupted.”
In addition, the Marriage Counselor recommends three questions that have proven themselves in practice to see more clearly:
Question 1: When was the last time you were happy together?
This question often makes for an aha experience. “It can be a healing shock, if that moment has been a long time,” says Doreen Smith. “I would like to encourage couples to remember beautiful pictures, to revive the pleasant feelings of back then.” Whether the child’s birth, holiday or “just” a restaurant visit – every emotional highlight welds together.
Question 2: What do you need to get the happiness in your relationship?
Often, the question is that the couple have too much expectation of marriage. “Do not think in too big categories, it’s better to sharpen your eye for everyday happiness.” Unconscious rituals such as holding hands or candlelight supper strengthen the love in the long term more than gifts or luxury travel. What is most important is the exchange: What do you need, what do I need and how do we manage our longings?
Question 3: What can your partner do to make you feel loved?
Formulate clearly what is missing. “For example, women with children often no longer perceive their femininity,” says the expert. The solution here also means: talking to one another – regularly. Doreen Smith: “Whether I know the recipe for happy marriages, clearly, communication!”